下面是我整理的 ，欢迎大家阅读!

　：Another 40 Years to live

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone e in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

一名中年妇女心脏病突发被送到了医院
， 在手术台上，濒临死亡之际 ，她看到了上帝
， 于是，她问上帝是不是她的日子到头了。 上帝回答说 ，“还没有，你还能活43年
，2个月零8天 。 ” 身体快要康复的时候，这名女士想到自己还要活那么多年 ，得好好对待自己
，于是决定先不出院，而是去给自己整整容 ，吸吸脂
，隆隆胸，然后还做了一个腹部拉皮和其它一些美容美体手术
。 她甚至还请人到医院里面帮她头发给染了。 做完最后一个手术 ，这位女士出院了
， 但就在过马路的时候，她被一辆风驰电挚赶回医院的救护车给撞死了 。 再一次 ，她又站到了上帝的面前
，她大惑不解地问上帝，“我记得你说我还能再活40年?
” 上帝回答 ，“那个时候我没认出你来”
。

：

In secondary school, I was always self-conscious about my height.

Once I was asked out by a life-guard. I had never really stood next to him and didn't know how tall he was, so the night of the date I took out two pairs of shoes-one with heels, one flat. I arranged with my brother to answer the door, pare his height with my date's and run upstairs to let me know which shoes to wear.

When doorbell rang I waited. Then my brother showed up and told me what I didn't want to hear: "Go barefoot."

中学的时候，我对自己的高度非常敏感。

一次
，一位救生员约我出去 。事实上，我从未和他并肩站过 ，因而不知道他到底有多高。因此约会那晚
，我拿出两双鞋，一双高跟 ，一双平跟
。我安排哥哥去开门
，让他和救生员比比高度，再上楼告诉我应穿哪双鞋。

门铃响了 ，我在楼上等著 。哥哥跑上楼告诉了我一个不幸的讯息：“你可以光着脚去约会
。 ”

　：Is he dying?

A man was sitting in a bar with tears streaming down his face. A friend walked in and asked why he was so unhappy. The weeping one said, The doctor has just told me I'll have to take these tablets for the rest of my life.

Cheerfully, his friend pointed out that many people have to take tablets every day of their life. Sure, came the reply, but he only gave me ten.

一个男人坐在酒吧里痛哭流泪。一个朋友走进来问他为何如此伤心 。那人哭着说：刚才医生告诉我
，在我的余生里都要吃这些药片
。

他的朋友很轻松地指出，许多人一辈子每天都要吃药。当然 ，男人回答说：但是他只给了我十片 。

　：The blonde and the farmer

There was a blonde that was so sick of blonde jokes she died her hair red. The jokes stopped and she felt so good, she took a ride in the country one Saturday afternoon. While on this ride, she noticed a flock of sheep and stopped the car to take&n......
。

一个金发女郎
，是那么恶心的**笑话她把头发染成红色。笑话停了下来，她觉得很好 ，她在农村的一个搭车的星期六下午 。而在这旅程，她注意到一群羊
，停下车来把......
。

　：太晚了 It's Too Late

A medical student was called on to state how much of a certain drug he would give to a patient. He promptly replied: "Five grains."

A minute later the student asked the professor, "May I correct my answer?" The professor looked at his watch and said: "It's too late. Your patient died thirty seconds ago."

一个医科学生被要求说明他给病人服的那种药的用量。他立即回答道：“五粒 。
”

一分钟后，这个学生问教授：“我可以改正我的回答吗?”教授看看手表 ，说：“太晚啦
，你的病人已在30秒钟以前死了。 ”

　：因祸得福 To Profit from a Misfortune

A man was a butterfingers. He had been suffering from unemployment for months.

At last he found a job in a chinaware house. He had worked only a few days when he dropped a large vase.

The manager summoned him to the office and told him that money would be deducted from his wages every week until the vase was paid for. He asked: "How much did it cost?" "Five hundred dollars." said the manager. "Oh, that's wonderful," he said happily, "I'm so happy that I have got a steady job at last."

有一个人很粗心，老是打烂东西
。他已失业好几个月了。

最后他在一个瓷器店找到了一个工作 。可是才干了几天 ，他就打烂了一个很大的花瓶
。

经理把他到办公室去
，告诉他每个星期都要扣他的工钱，直到赔偿够了为止。他就问：“那个花瓶值多少钱?”经理说：“值500美元 。
”他很高兴地说：“啊!太妙了 ，我非常高兴
，终于有个稳定的工作啦
。”

　： *** 得怎么样 How did I do

A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a *** all crowd standing on a corner.

The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner, people." A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off that corner...NOW!" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.

Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" "Pretty good," chuckled the veteran policemen, "especially since this is a bus stop!"

一名新警察与老警察开着警车第一次出去巡逻。 他们得到命令去疏散一群闲逛的人，于是他们开车去了那条街 ，看到路口站着一群人 。

新警察摇下窗户：“大家注意了
，快离开这里
。 ”人们他几眼，没理他。他喊起来：“离开这里 ，马上离开!
”大家都不知道怎么回事，但是在他的威胁下还是离开了 。

新警察对他第一次执行公务的结果很满意
，对老警察说：“ *** 得怎么样?”“你做得很好， ”老警察笑着说 ，“尤其是在公共汽车站
。
”

　：我可以回家了

Now i can go home

One day after school the teacher said to his students
，“Tomorrow morning，if any one of you can answer my first question.I'll permit him or her to go home earlier.” The next day ，when the teacher came into the classroom
，he found the blackboard daubed.He was very angry and asked，“Who did it?Please stand up!  ” “It' s me ，
”said Bob
，“Now，I can go home ，Good-bye
，Sir! ”

我 可 以 回 家 了

一天，放学以后 ，老师对他的学生们说：“明天上午，如果你们当中的任何一个同学能回答我的第一个问题
，我就准许他或她最先回家。 ”第二天，老师走进教室时发现黑板已被乱涂 ，他非常生气地问：“谁涂的? 请站起来 。
”鲍勃说：“先生
，是我，现在我可以回家了 ，再见。”

英语小笑话！

冷笑话是近几年才出现的新兴语言现象
，它以网络为主要的传播方式
。我整理了关于爆笑的经典短篇英语笑话，欢迎阅读!

关于爆笑的经典短篇英语笑话篇一

Two Soldiers

Two soldiers were in camp. The first one?s name was George, and the second one?s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"

Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.

Then George said, "Now I haven?t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.

Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"

Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.

George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.

"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.

George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What?s your girl-friend?s address?"

军营里有二名士兵 ，一个叫乔治
，一个叫比尔。乔治问：?比尔，你有信纸 、信封吗?

比尔说：?有 。?然后把信纸和信封给了乔治
。

乔治又说：?我还没有笔呢。?比尔又把自己的笔给了他 。乔治开始写信
。写完后把信放进信封里 ，又问：?比尔
，你有邮票吗?比尔给了他一张。

这时比尔站起来，向门口走去 。乔治问：?你要出去吗?

比尔说：?是的
。?随即打开了门。

乔治说：?请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里 ，还有...?他停住了 。

你还要什么?比尔问
。

乔治看着信封说：?你女朋友的地址是-?

　关于爆笑的经典短篇英语笑话篇二

West Point

My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."

One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."

父亲
、哥哥和我到西点军校去观看一场陆军与波士顿大学之间的橄榄球赛。开始之前，我们到处转了转
，碰到许多穿着整齐制服的学员 。几名游客问新兵是否愿意摆出军姿来让他们摄。?好让我们的儿子知道，如果他到西点军校来学习会得到什么
。?

一对中年夫妇走近一名非常漂亮的女学员 ，问她是否愿意摆个姿势照相。他们解释说：?我们想让儿子知道他没来西点军校错过了什么 。?

　关于爆笑的经典短篇英语笑话篇三

Five Months Older

The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.

But John?s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy?s family name, so when he saw John?s papers, he was surprised.

"How old are you?" he said.

"Eighteen, sir," said John.

"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"

"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."

大五个月

第二次世界大战开始了
，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁 ，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍
。所以军医给他进行体检时
，他说他已经十八岁了。

可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查 。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓
。所以当他看到约翰的表格时 ，感到非常惊奇。

你多大了?军医问 。

十八
，长官
。?约翰说。

可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?

约翰脸红了 ，说：?哦
，不是，长官 ，我哥哥比我大五个月 。?

英语的小短笑话

有一个学生答考题，题目是要他描述两台车出车祸
，

他写：“two cars peng peng，one car die. ”(两台车子"碰碰"(指撞车声音),一个车子就"死了")

你可以复制去网上翻译.成英文

英语笑话故事

关于英语的小短笑话

　人类历史上 ，人自从有了语言
，就已经出现了开玩笑的语言，我收集了关于英语的小短笑话 ，欢迎阅读
。

关于英语的小短笑话一

　One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"

关于英语的.小短笑话二

　a kiss At a dinner party, the speaker, who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver a speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it. The guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife must love you very much, I see her send you a 'KISS' before you begin your speech." The speaker smiled and explained, "You don't know my wife. The 'KISS' she give me stands for 'Keep It Short, Stupid.'"

关于英语的小短笑话三

　A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

　An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

关于英语的小短笑话四

　The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party.Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment,he said,"Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow.When the door open,push with your foot."

　"Why use my elbow and foot?"

　"Well,gosh," was the reply,"You're not coming empty-hangded,are you?

关于英语的小短笑话五

　A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

　"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.

　"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"

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精品英语笑话故事（精选6篇）

　口香糖有助于他们防止耳鸣。飞机着陆后
，困惑怎么才能把口香糖从耳朵里面取出来呢?以下是我为你带来精品英语笑话故事，欢迎阅读 。

　英语笑话故事 篇1

　It had been many years since my last eye exam,and my wife was pestering me to make an appointment. The more she nagged , the more I procrastinated. Finally ，she made an appointment for me.

　我己经很多年没做眼睛检查了。我妻子总是催我去挂个号
。她越是督我
，我越是耽搁不去。最后，她替我挂了个号 。

　The day before I was to see the doctor ，I was in an affectionate mood. After kissing and hugging her, I told her she really looked. good to me.,

　在我去见医生的前一天
，我的情绪特别好
。我对妻于又是亲又是抱，还说她是我眼里最漂亮的女人.

　"That does it,”she said.“I'm canceling your appointment."

　她说:“这回眼睛没问题了 ，那我现在就去把号退了。
”

　英语笑话故事 篇2

　Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents' house. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers, when the younger one began praying at the top of his lungs: "I pray for a bicycle. I pray for a new toy."

　两个小男孩在祖父母家过夜 。睡觉的时候，两个小男孩跪在床边开始祈祷
，这时小一些的孩子扯开嗓子大声喊道：“我祈求得到一辆自行车
。我祈求有一个新玩具。”

　His older brother leaned over, nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

　他的哥哥靠过来，用肘轻碰他说：“你为什么这么大声喊叫呢？上帝又不是聋子 。 ”

　To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

　弟弟回答说：“是的 ，但是奶奶听不到呀！
”

　英语笑话故事 篇3

　A tourist passing through South Dakota stopped at a blood bank to make a donation. Afterward
，he was resting on a cot and saw another donor, who appeared to be a Native American.

　有个旅行者在穿越南达科这州时，在一家肤血站献了血.献血后他坐在一张小床上休息
。这时 ，他见到另一个人前来献血.那个人看起来好像是美国的本土人。这个旅行家于是就和他攀谈起来 。“你是不是住在路那边的苏族印地安人保护区?”

　The tourist struck up a conversation and asked, ”Do you live on the Sioux reservation up the road?"

　“没错儿
。
”那人回答.

　"Yes
，"the man replied.

　“你是百分之百血统的苏族印地安人吗?”

　"Are you a full-blooded Sioux?"

　“噢，不能完全这么说?. "那人说:“我现在就缺少了一品脱的血. ”

　"Well ，actually
，no，"said the man. "Right now I'm a pint low. "

　英语笑话故事 篇4

　After my husband ，John
，and I moved to Michigan from Nebraska，our new friends ，proud of their beautiful tree一lined roads，teased us about the Mid-west's dull
，flat，treeless land. When my parents ，Nebraska farmers
，visited us，I asked them about their trip.

　我和丈夫约翰从内布拉斯加搬到密西根后 ，我们新认识的朋友们总为他们美丽的`林荫大过引以为荣.他们嘲讽我们的中西部平原荒凉、贫瘩
，连株枯树都没有。后来我父母从内布拉斯加的老家来看我们，我问他们对旅途的感受 。

　What a boring drive ，"my father replied."Once you get to Michigan, there's nothing to see but trees."

　我父亲抱怨着:“枯澡
，乏味，一进入密西根 ，除了树什么都没有。
”

　英语笑话故事 篇5

　The little girl was sitting in her grandfather's lap as he read her a story. From time to time, she would take her eyes’ off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. By and by she was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.

　小女孩坐在祖父的膝上读故事
。她时不时的从书上转移视线抬起头来碰到他褶皱的脸。随后她摸摸自己的脸颊又回去摸摸祖父的 。

　Finally she spoke, "Granddaddy, did God make you?"

　最后她问：“爷爷
，是上帝创造的你吗？”

　"Yes, sweetheart" he answered, "God made me a long time ago."

　“是啊，甜心
。 ”他回答道：“上帝很久前创造出了我。
”

　"Oh" she said, then "Granddaddy, did God make me too?"

　“喔 。”她回答
。接着又问道：“爷爷 ，上帝也创造了我吗？ ”

　"Yes, indeed honey" he assured her. "God made you just a little while ago."

　“是啊，当然了宝贝。”他向她保证：“上帝只是不久前创造的你 。
”

　"Oh" she said. Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it now isn't he?"

　“喔
。”她回答。又分别感受了两人的脸颊
，边观察边说：“上帝的技术越来越好了，是不？ ”

　英语笑话故事 篇6

　Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning,

　小强尼说：“妈妈 ，今天早上和爸爸在公车上时
，

　he told me to give up my seat to a lady."

　他叫我让座给一位女士 。
”

　"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.

　妈妈说：“你做得很对呀
。”

　"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

　“但是，妈妈 ，我是坐在爸爸膝盖上的。 ”

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